For many people, Donald Trump is a joke. His time in the public eye, whether in business, reality TV, or politics, has been a ridiculous and frustrating spectacle for so many, but for those of us who grew up with a narcissistic or abusive parent, his behavior can be more than just aggravating, it can be deeply triggering. His words, mannerisms, and approach to power mirror the tactics used by abusive narcissists, making his presence in media and politics a painful reminder of past traumas.
It’s taken me awhile to personally recognize the cause behind the sense of urgency and rage that I feel when confronted with That Fucking Guy in any capacity. His voice, his face, his posture, how he moves and speaks, all of it sends me into low grade fight or flight mode. I can feel the reaction boiling in my body; the tension and adrenaline, the fatigue and fury. Frankly, Trump drains me, and while the obvious reasons are obvious, it took me some time to realise that I feel how I feel because I’m deeply triggered.
Old Habits Die Hard
I grew up with a rage-oholic, emotionally immature father and a cold, dismissive, narcissistic step mother. To say that my needs as a sensitive child were overlooked is an understatement and more often than not I was silenced by fear and anxiety, with the threat of explosive anger always around the corner. Trump’s energy and comportment encapsulates both their personalities in a way that is disturbing, to say the least, and exhausting to encounter on a regular basis. I was particularly set off recently when Trump stated in an interview that the US plans to ‘take Gaza’. When the reporter asked him under what authority he would do that, he shrugged and said “The authority of the United States.” as if that was a sane and complete answer. That level of unilateral control and unbothered response feels like my childhood all over again. “Because I said so.” and “Because I can.” were things I heard a lot while I was growing up. Unfortunately, my nervous system only has one response to that kind of threat, and it’s not ideal.
The Traits of a Narcissistic Abuser
Identifying narcissistic traits in an abuser like Trump can help you recognize toxic patterns and protect yourself from further manipulation. Luckily, narcissistic abusers display incredibly predictable behaviors that revolve around control, superiority, and emotional exploitation, making them easy to identify once you know what to look for. Recognizing these traits is the first step in protecting yourself from narcissistic abuse and setting healthy boundaries.
Here are some key signs to watch for:
- Lack of empathy
They dismiss or minimize your feelings, making everything about themselves.
- Gaslighting
They distort reality, deny things they’ve said or done, and make you question your own memory or perception.
- Constant need for admiration
They crave validation and become angry or withdrawn if they don’t receive enough praise.
- Manipulation and control
They use guilt, shame, or passive-aggression to get what they want.
- Blame-shifting
They never take responsibility for their actions and always make others the scapegoat.
- Extreme sensitivity to criticism
Even mild feedback is met with rage, defensiveness, or victimhood.
- Grandiosity
They believe they are superior to others and often exaggerate their achievements or abilities.
But It’s So Much Bigger Than Just Narcissism
Trump would be a nightmare if he was just a narcissist, but he’s also a megalomaniac.
Narcissism and megalomania share a strong correlation, as both involve an inflated sense of self-importance, a craving for admiration, and a complete lack of empathy. While narcissism can range from mild traits to full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), megalomania is an extreme form of grandiosity, often linked to delusions of power and invincibility.
Many megalomaniacs exhibit narcissistic behaviors, such as manipulation, gaslighting, and an inability to accept criticism. However, megalomania goes further, driving individuals to seek absolute control, whether in politics, business, or personal relationships. Both traits stem from deep-seated insecurity, masking vulnerability with arrogance, domination, and an obsessive need for validation.
Donald Trump has long exhibited these behaviors on a public stage. He lies with ease, distorts reality, refuses to acknowledge mistakes, and lashes out at anyone who criticizes him. His need for constant praise and inability to tolerate dissent are classic hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder. For people who have survived an upbringing filled with these same traits, watching him can feel eerily familiar and incredibly unsettling. If how he conducts himself stresses you out, you’re not alone!
Gaslighting and Distorting Reality
One of the most painful tactics of narcissistic abuse is gaslighting, a tactic described as ‘manipulating someone into questioning their own reality’. We survivors of narcissistic parents are all too familiar with phrases like, “That never happened,” or, “You’re too sensitive,” which were used to erase experiences and make us doubt ourselves.
Trump’s frequent denials of objective reality echo this abusive tactic. Whether it’s calling legitimate news stories “fake news,” insisting he won an election he lost, or contradicting his own statements with total and unflappable “confidence”, he warps reality in a way that leaves people questioning their own perceptions. To survivors, this can be deeply triggering, reigniting painful memories of being dismissed and manipulated.
Bullying and Public Humiliation
Abusive narcissists thrive on control, and one of their favorite tools is public humiliation. Whether it’s belittling a child in front of their siblings or classmates or mocking a spouse in social settings, the goal is to establish dominance and instill fear.
Trump’s bullying behavior is well-documented. He mocks disabled people, assigns cruel nicknames to his enemies, shames women’s appearances, and uses social media to attack critics. His approach to power is rooted in demeaning others to elevate himself. For survivors of childhood abuse, this kind of public cruelty is not just distasteful, it’s a painful reminder of the helplessness we once felt under the thumb of an abusive figure and having it on every news channel and social media platform makes him feel inescapable.
The Lack of Empathy and Personal Responsibility
One of the most disorienting aspects of growing up with a narcissistic parent is their complete lack of empathy. They do not apologize in a meaningful way, they refuse to take responsibility for their actions, and they blame their victims for their own pain or mistakes.
Trump’s responses to crises and scandals are textbook examples of this. Whether it’s dismissing the suffering of families separated at the border, blaming the media for covering his own mistakes, or refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing even when presented with clear evidence, he exhibits the same cold indifference that many of us survivors recognize from our own childhoods. This lack of accountability and empathy can be particularly distressing for those who spent their early lives hoping in vain for a heartfelt apology or acknowledgment of harm from an abusive parent.
Why It Feels So Personal
Many people can roll their eyes at Trump’s antics and move on. But for survivors of narcissistic abuse, the experience may be very challenging. His behavior isn’t just frustrating for us, it’s a near constant public replay of private pain. The lies, the gaslighting, the bullying, the lack of empathy, it’s all too familiar. It reminds us of the manipulation, the fear, the powerlessness we felt as children. And worst of all, just like with our abusers, there are people who defend him, enabling his behavior and making survivors feel once again unheard and invalidated.
How to Cope with Trump
If Trump’s behavior is triggering for you, it’s important to take steps to protect your mental health:
- Limit exposure to political news
- Curating your social media feed
- Engage in self-care that is grounding and meaningful to you
- Therapy can also be a powerful tool, providing strategies for managing triggers and processing past trauma
Most importantly, remind yourself that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, your experiences are real, and you do not have to endure the cycle of narcissistic abuse, whether in your personal life or in the public sphere, without support.
Final Thoughts on Trump
For survivors, Donald Trump represents more than just a controversial political figure: he embodies the tactics and behaviors of the very people who caused us deep emotional harm. While his presence in media and politics may be inescapable, we can take comfort in recognizing these patterns for what they are and reclaiming our sense of reality, power, and peace, one day at a time.
