Violet Fawkes

About Violet

Hello and Welcome

I’m Violet Fawkes, your friendly neighbourhood sex and pleasure educator. If you find yourself here, in my corner of the internet, we probably share some of the same values, curiosities, and goals. I’m happy to have you here!

Who is Violet Fawkes?

  • a white, bisexual cis woman
  • an ‘elder Millennial’
  • an intersectional feminist
  • a non-monogamist
  • a kinkster (Switch)
  • a recovering survivor of sexual violence and trauma
  • a person on a journey of self acceptance and radical self-love

Why I Do This Work

I fundamentally believe that we all deserve the opportunity to learn, explore, and express ourselves, and our sexuality. Sadly, the sex education we receive from parents, school, and the media is often mediocre at best. Stigma and societal shame can make learning about sex and pleasure confusing and dangerous. It’s not until we accept that sex is a topic of human interest that is broad, deep, and highly nuanced, that we can experience the freedom and pleasure that sexual exploration grants us. So many people, myself included, have been injured by the stigma surrounding our bodies, sex, and sexuality. I believe it’s time we moved past that.

  • Sex and sexuality are valuable and valid expressions of the self 
  • Curiosity about sexuality is healthy and normal
  • Sexuality should be experienced without shame or fear
  • We all deserve accurate, inclusive information that is presented clearly and constructively
  • We all deserve respect and dignity regarding our sexuality and expression

The purpose of my work is to provide such resources, and promote discourse, on a variety of topics and themes that explore self understanding through self discovery. This website is organised by five major themes: Being Sexy, Being Kinky, Being Playful, Being Intimate, Being Whole.

Let’s Talk Kink

Exploring BDSM and kink has become practically mainstream in the last decade, but still remains on the fringes of ‘polite society’. Whether you are just dipping a toe into the world of kinks and fetishes, or you’re an experienced Kinkster, you will find plenty of kink-related content, how-tos, and recommendations here. 

Please assume that all sexual situations and experiences described here, fiction or otherwise, are between consenting adults. When BDSM is referenced, it is safety-focused and risk-aware. I am a kink practitioner, yes, but moreover, I am a student of kink, in the broad sense. I do not preach “one true way“, I don’t claim to know it all, and I reserve judgement on others’ kinks, unless of course they are reckless, illegal, or involve parties that cannot or do not consent. This website should never be your sole resource for BDSM information. Do your research, play safe.

A Word or Two About Non-Monogamy

I have been knowingly, actively non-monogamous for 25 years, and I am happy to provide support or offer a non-judgemental ear to anyone with questions or hesitations around their own relationship anarchy. I create resources and foster conversation around a variety of relationship models because love, like life, is not one size fits all.

Despite what we were all raised to believe, there are as many ways to have relationships as there are people having them. Some folks believe in The One and are comfortable in traditional relationship models. Others need to take a different, but no less valid, approach to love and connection. I don’t believe in pushing the ‘non-monogamous agenda’ because I understand that monogamy works well for many people. I’m just not one of them. I think we should all live and love in the fashion that is best for us. I speak freely about non-monogamy here and on social media, but I don’t disparage more traditional couples or their relationship dynamics. This is a safe and neutral space for curiosity, learning, and growth.

Mind Your Manners

This is a safe space, and all are welcome. Well, everyone but the bigots. 

When discussing deeply personal or contentious topics, some people feel the need to express anger, frustration, embarrassment, or confusion at the cost of others. I encourage discussion and enjoy being challenged, but I will not permit abusive or bigoted language in the comments. Having the ability to comment on articles is a privilege; no one is entitled to attack or undermine anyone else in the comments sections and doing so will earn you a lifetime ban from the site.

Sharing, Reprinting and Linking

Sharing links and promoting writers in the sex and pleasure community is important. If you wish to reprint or use a post or image on your blog, in your magazine or anthology, please contact me first to discuss rates and availability of my work. Thank you!  

An Open Invitation

This is a space for the sex-curious, the kink-curious, and people looking for a humanist and sex-positive approach to pleasure education. Take your time, stay awhile, read, learn, ponder, and discuss. Don’t forget to subscribe to be alerted to new articles by email. There’s also a Monthly Newsletter full of bonus info, discounts, and other fun stuff that you don’t want to miss.

Have fun, be kind, play safe!

Love, Violet xo