There’s a persistent myth that solo sex is what we settle for when partnered sex isn’t available, as if it’s the consolation prize in the pleasure Olympics. But nothing could be further from the truth. Masturbation isn’t a lesser option. It’s not the runner-up. It’s real sex. It’s rich, valid, and worthy of celebration in its own right.
Solo sex is a form of intimacy that’s deeply personal and often deeply healing. It’s where we learn the language of our own pleasure, unfiltered by someone else’s desires or expectations. It’s not selfish, it’s self-aware. And it’s certainly not sad, it’s smart, sexy, and powerfully sovereign.
The Erotic Power of Knowing Yourself
Masturbation isn’t just about climax. It’s about exploration, self-trust, and embodiment. It’s one of the purest ways to tap into desire without performance. No one to impress, no roles to play, just you, your body, and your curiosity. That’s a kind of freedom you don’t always get in partnered sex.
Learning what you like through solo sex makes you a better lover, whether you’re single or partnered. It gives you a sense of clarity: the rhythms, sensations, and fantasies that turn you on. And in a world that often teaches us to prioritise others’ needs before our own, taking time for self-pleasure is a quiet rebellion. It’s a way of saying, I matter. My pleasure matters.
Solo Sex as Self-Care
We often speak about self-care in terms of skincare routines or bubble baths, but tending to your erotic self is care, too. Masturbation can soothe anxiety, improve sleep, ease menstrual cramps, and strengthen your connection to your body. It’s not just recreational, it can be medicinal.
Whether it’s a quick release or a slow, sensual ritual, masturbation is a way to check in with yourself. Are you stressed? Tense? Numb? Horny? It’s a chance to listen to your body, to honour its signals, and to move energy through. It can ground you, recharge you, and help you reconnect when the world feels overwhelming.
When You’re Not Partnered (or Even When You Are)
Solo sex isn’t just for people who are single, although it can be especially empowering in those seasons. It’s a reminder that pleasure isn’t dependent on anyone else’s availability, interest, or imagination. Your orgasm doesn’t have to wait on someone else’s timing. You can meet your own needs, and that’s something to take pride in, not pity.
Even in relationships, solo sex has a place. It can coexist beautifully with partnered intimacy. Sometimes you want something just for you. Sometimes you want to reconnect with your own rhythm. There’s nothing selfish about that. In fact, it can strengthen your erotic life as a whole.
You Are Your Best Lover
It’s time to shake the shame and step into the truth: you are your longest relationship. Your body is not a backup plan. Solo sex isn’t a last resort, it’s a love story that starts and ends with you. No one will ever know your body the way you can. No one else’s hands will ever be as available, or as attuned.
So light the candles, use the good lube, fantasise boldly. Touch yourself with the reverence and enthusiasm you deserve. You’re not waiting for someone to come along and give you permission, you’ve already got it!
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