• autobiographical,  Sex and Mental Health,  Thoughts

    Masochism: Not All Pain is Good Pain

    {Content Warning: self harm, masochism, abuse. All references are my own and not intended to summarize or speak for any other person’s experiences.} As someone who must actively manage, and have help managing, their mental health, the correlations with kink and sex and want and need, have all been prominent concepts for me for awhile. The discovery that I was, in fact, quite masochistic in certain settings, was very uncomfortable at first, in no small part because I have a history of self harm. My harm came in a few forms, some bigger and scarier than others, but all of them were exhausting, all of them were painful and none…

  • autobiographical,  January Jump Start,  Thoughts

    Love Junkie

    When I love, I love: wholly, thoroughly, completely, drowning in everything. Every glance can be a conversation, eyes just playing and saying what needs to be said. Silence is loud, and the air becomes heavy. I want you. I want all of you. Warsan Shire Love is my downfall, my weakness, my Achilles Heel. Falling in love is the most addictive sensation; it’s better than sex or control or food or drugs. It is my ultimate high. I chase New Relationship Energy (NRE) as my ideal vibrational frequency. I thrive on the early stages of intimacy; I’m addicted to vulnerability. But alas, I know that these feelings become hazier and…