Welcome to Sex 101, a growing archive of how-to, don’t-do and must-do sex stuff.
Sex 101 is about more than just biology, it’s about people and the complex ways that sex, sexuality, sexual identity and sexual relationships impact us.
The philosophy and purpose of this site is to inspire, entertain, titillate and teach.The whole site, including the Sex 101 section, is a sex-positive space. I have been reading, writing, talking, and working in the NSFW sphere for nearly half a decade and I have learned so much from sex-positive online communities as well as from my own experiences and relationships. My relationship with my body and points of view on sex-positivity have changed over the course of time. I have come to understand that, while we are all experts with our own bodies and experiences, sexual literacy and sexual education is not one-size-fits-all. My aim with the Sex 101 articles that I write is to create a diverse library of information and observation on sex that will educate with facts that go beyond the expected tropes of sex ed.
More than just Biology
When I first conceived of a “Sex 101” section, I was only thinking of body/biology based posts that either de-mystified the physical mechanics of sex and genitals, or explained how-to do the things we do that we don’t always want to talk about. Upon further reflection, I quickly changed my tune. The posts on this blog labelled “Sex 101” are all about sexual wellness and sex-positivity, including and beyond, the obvious biological questions. You are the most important part of your sex life, and that includes your thoughts, feelings, relationships, up-bringing, cultural paradigms, and expectations of sex. If we only look at the biology and anatomy of sex, we ignore these other influences. Sex and sexuality requires, in my opinion, a (w)holistic approach, meaning that in order to learn and apply information about sex that is valuable to us, we must seek what interests us, and serves us, as a whole being.
This is not your mother’s sex ed class
Most ‘sexual education’ has failed us. Some of us got the bare minimum information, others got no information at all and had to find out on their own. Even those of us who received a relatively balanced and accurate crash course from educators and/or parents, still only got information about the applicable ‘parts’ and how to avoid conception. Armed with pertinent information like how to put a condom on a banana or the looming threat that for all girls, sex began with pain and later, little hope of pleasure. There was no discussion of the feelings that come with sex, or the complexities of sexual relationships; no talk of pleasure or autonomy, just rules and fear without context. Consider for a moment how different your choices and ideals on sex may have been throughout your life if sexual education had been given more airtime, been made more valid, or spoken about in a plain and constructive way.
Intersectionality, feminism & the amoral nature of sex
Is this the future of sex ed? I hope so! I would love to see the standard elevated as we continue to move towards more inclusive, intersectional dialogue around sex. Our world would no doubt be very different if sexual education was intersectional and acknowledged sociopolitical influences and implications. Likewise, if sex and sexuality were no longer considered part of moral discourse. And imagine for a moment if feminist theory or critical theory were interwoven into the way we think about and talk about sex, ultimately influencing and improving the sex we have? Until then, we will read, and write, and challenge and discuss and dismantle the systems that make sex complicated, when it needn’t be. I say yes to complexity and no thank you to complicated.
And that, is what Sex 101 is about here on Love, Violet. I hope you’ll learn along with me.
More SEX 101 by Violet, elsewhere on the internet
I write for several online sex/relationship media outlets beyond the borders of this blog. Below are some more sex positive, “Sex 101” pieces I have written. Click the image to go to the article.