• autobiographical,  Every Damn Day In June 2019,  Wicked Wednesday

    Survival is not the same as living

    Content warning: abuse, violence, violation I survived. I survived the way she drank, the way he screamed and broke things. I survived not knowing if we’d eat, waking to the glass of water by my bed frozen on the surface because the house had no furnace and we lived on the heat from a wood stove, which, if forgotten, grew cold, spreading that coldness through us like slow acting poison. I survived the drunken car crashes, the interrogation by social services. I survived her pissing the bed and not getting out of it for days. I survived loneliness and neglect. I survived his unholy rage and remorse. I survived the…

  • autobiographical,  Every Damn Day In June 2019,  Sex and Mental Health

    The other CBT (as in, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)

    CONTENT WARNING: breakups, negative self-talk, depression, anxiety, invasive thoughts, self doubt A new-ish relationship (7 weeks or so) of mine ended yesterday. It was an online DD/lg connection and “Daddy” cut me loose. He wasn’t cruel, he didn’t belabour it. It was tidy and kind and reasonable. I was taking up a lot of time and energy that he no longer had for me. Totally fine. I didn’t freak out or take cheap shots. I told him I understood and I hoped he found what he needed. I made some distance (unfollowed on some, but not all, social media channels, changed my bios, deleted the app we talked on, etc.)…

  • Every Damn Day In June 2019,  Thoughts

    Deep Space

    I try, very hard, to be what you want. I try so hard sometimes I can’t see myself; a shimmering mirage, a glittering lie. I try to make it true, to come together in the shape you crave, to say the words you need to hear to know that this is real. It’s so real that the space between us is deafening, a silence so heavy it has its own gravity. 

  • Every Damn Day In June 2019

    The Intimacy of Sleep – Every Damn Day in June

    you can read the first part of this post here If you’ve been following along, you’re likely already bored of me waxing poetic about the potential and possibility with The Cop, a very lovely and truly, deeply, submissive local guy. Our day together this week was casual and comfy and began strong: a great and lengthy hug, easy conversation, comfortable silence and really great kissing chemistry. Did I mention the kissing? Because it was really good. His pace of life as a single dad and a cop is very different from mine. He’s busy. Profoundly busy. It was really lovely that he wanted to spend time together after a night…

  • Every Damn Day In June 2019

    The Duchess Never Lies

    I’m fucking horny, ya’ll. But not even in like, a sexual way. That doesn’t even make sense, right? I just feel, I don’t know … ripe? Not in a fertile way but in a sort of succulent way. My body feels like a peach, sun warmed and sweet. I feel like my blood is a bit thicker, my skin is a bit more buttery, my eyes are a bit heavier. I just feel primed and ready for touch and taste and heat and lust at any second. The Duchess (that’s what I call my pussy – what do you call yours?) is on the prowl. Perhaps it’s the surge of…

  • D/s,  Daddy,  Every Damn Day In June 2019,  Masturbation Monday,  Short Fiction

    Put Me Into Slut Space – Every Damn Day In June – 18/30

    Confession: Sometimes I need to be held against you tenderly, breathing in your woodsy scent, basking in your forehead kisses and booty rubs. Other times I need to feel you switch off my mind with your words and touch, to become nothing but the warm meat you use to get yourself off, just a dutiful slut who takes what she’s given and whimpers quiet thank yous if required. Please use me roughly, flood my mouth and cunt and ass with your come. Stretch me and soil me, slap my ass until it’s red and raw, pissing a hot arc of your ownership over it. Laugh and tease me as it…

  • Every Damn Day In June 2019

    Ships In The Night/ Every Damn Day In June – 15/30

    What a strange week. Everything was strangely fluid. Plans changed, and changed again. Appointments moved, everything felt like a maybe. Then server nonsense of some sort or another sent the blog, and my patience, on a wobble. If you can read this, it means it’s working again. As weekends go it’s been a good one: productive but also relaxing. Lots of time to lounge and think, and a tidy house and mown yard to do it in. The long awaited tea and cuddles with The Cop is tomorrow morning. Nothing like a Monday morning date to jump start the week. He will be finishing his day after working all night…

  • Every Damn Day In June 2019

    I Wanna Fuck – Every Damn Day In June – 13/30

    I wanna fuck. Not just any fuck, not a cuddlefuck, not a brisk fingering, not a deliciously sloppy blow job. I want to fuck. You know the kind: sweaty, bitey, viciously raw and passionate. I want teeth in my shoulder (kiss there later, please), I want dick that bottoms out, I want it balls deep until I feel that quivering buzz in the back of my head from the impact. I want our hands on each other’s throats. I want to clench and grind and writhe and arch. I want to fuck like the ship is going down. I want to fuck so hard one of us flares up an…

  • autobiographical,  Every Damn Day In June 2019

    Breaking My Own Rules – Every Damn Day In June – 12/30

    I’m breaking my own rules and it kind of feels good. I shared my blog with The Cop (hopefully I can come up with a more inspired nickname than that, eventually). I also have accommodated 2 reschedules for tea. Those aren’t things I usually do. So why now? Why him? It’s a hunch. A gut feeling. I like him. When he called (a genuine conversation! be still my heart!) to ask if we could reschedule to tomorrow, I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “I’m not blowing you off, Violet. I’m totally smitten.” Hard to resist that sort of sweetness. Of course, I’d rather he sleep and not be…

  • Every Damn Day In June 2019,  Sex and Mental Health

    Under Pressure – Every Damn Day In June – 11/30

    If I had a dollar for every time someone who cared about me said ” You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.” I would be a rich woman. Teachers, family, my friends, partners, colleagues, bosses, mentors, everyone. My personal sense of success is a huge factor in the direction my mental health moves. If I feel, or even smell, a whiff of “failure”, I spiral. I’m pretty transparent about my mental health here and on social media; it is a flexible, malleable thing with ups and downs. What’s interesting is how, over time, the ups and downs change and shift. I used to spiral down deep and stay there, anxious…

  • Every Damn Day In June 2019

    It Was A Monday – Every Damn Day in June – 10/30

    I don’t have much to say today. But the point is to write every day. It is an art and like all art, it is a discipline. I’ve tried to write this post several times but everything feels contrived. I’m tired, a bit frustrated by regular life things, nothing major, and I’m just restless. I got a mani/pedi today and promptly screwed up the polish on two of my toes but didn’t notice until I got home.  I had a coffee/lunch date tomorrow with a handsome, submissive police officer, we have moved said date to Wednesday because of a scheduling adjustment re: one of his kids. But in more pleasant…