• autobiographical,  Every Damn Day In June 2019,  Wicked Wednesday

    Survival is not the same as living

    Content warning: abuse, violence, violation I survived. I survived the way she drank, the way he screamed and broke things. I survived not knowing if we’d eat, waking to the glass of water by my bed frozen on the surface because the house had no furnace and we lived on the heat from a wood stove, which, if forgotten, grew cold, spreading that coldness through us like slow acting poison. I survived the drunken car crashes, the interrogation by social services. I survived her pissing the bed and not getting out of it for days. I survived loneliness and neglect. I survived his unholy rage and remorse. I survived the…

  • autobiographical,  Every Damn Day In June 2019,  Sex and Mental Health

    The other CBT (as in, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)

    CONTENT WARNING: breakups, negative self-talk, depression, anxiety, invasive thoughts, self doubt A new-ish relationship (7 weeks or so) of mine ended yesterday. It was an online DD/lg connection and “Daddy” cut me loose. He wasn’t cruel, he didn’t belabour it. It was tidy and kind and reasonable. I was taking up a lot of time and energy that he no longer had for me. Totally fine. I didn’t freak out or take cheap shots. I told him I understood and I hoped he found what he needed. I made some distance (unfollowed on some, but not all, social media channels, changed my bios, deleted the app we talked on, etc.)…

  • autobiographical,  Every Damn Day In June 2019

    Breaking My Own Rules – Every Damn Day In June – 12/30

    I’m breaking my own rules and it kind of feels good. I shared my blog with The Cop (hopefully I can come up with a more inspired nickname than that, eventually). I also have accommodated 2 reschedules for tea. Those aren’t things I usually do. So why now? Why him? It’s a hunch. A gut feeling. I like him. When he called (a genuine conversation! be still my heart!) to ask if we could reschedule to tomorrow, I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “I’m not blowing you off, Violet. I’m totally smitten.” Hard to resist that sort of sweetness. Of course, I’d rather he sleep and not be…

  • autobiographical,  body image,  Photos,  Sinful Sunday

    Meet Yourself Where You Are

    I’ve received some very cruel feedback about my body in the last two weeks, all anonymous, all online. At first I was mystified that such cold words didn’t affect me more; there certainly was a time when I would have been utterly devastated. What these comments afforded me was the opportunity to look at my body objectively, and what I found currently was a body which, like all other bodies, regardless of size, is constantly in flux. Our bodies are not static. They are ever changing, and forever giving us new and important information. My body does an awful lot for me. Sure, it doesn’t rock climb or run very…

  • autobiographical,  Thoughts

    Convention Compersion

    I am not well versed in FOMO (the fear of missing out). When I feel it, which is very rare and always very specific, it’s incredibly uncomfortable and hard to deal with. This is the third (fourth?) year that I have shared in the excitement of my fellow sex bloggers as they prepare for their pilgrimage to Eroticon and every year I try really hard to be excited for everyone, to feel and share “convention compersion”, to take interest in what they are preparing to present, to cheerlead everyone through their nerves. And every year it catches up to me. And every year I’m sad. I don’t travel well, I…

  • autobiographical,  Sex and Mental Health,  Thoughts

    Masochism: Not All Pain is Good Pain

    {Content Warning: self harm, masochism, abuse. All references are my own and not intended to summarize or speak for any other person’s experiences.} As someone who must actively manage, and have help managing, their mental health, the correlations with kink and sex and want and need, have all been prominent concepts for me for awhile. The discovery that I was, in fact, quite masochistic in certain settings, was very uncomfortable at first, in no small part because I have a history of self harm. My harm came in a few forms, some bigger and scarier than others, but all of them were exhausting, all of them were painful and none…

  • autobiographical,  Kink of the Week

    My Hand Fetish

    Fetish – noun A form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. The term fetish gets bandied about quite loosely, I find. It’s often used in place of “preference” or “gee whiz I like (fill in the blank) a lot!” but the OED links it to gratification, implying that it is more necessity than preference. Using this definition, I will gladly admit that men’s hands are a true fetish of mine. I battled with the strength of my feelings about men’s hands for a long time, aware that it was an odd thing…

  • autobiographical,  Masturbation Monday,  on writing,  Thoughts

    Setting Blogging Goals and Sticking to Them

    Isn’t it interesting how basically everyone on the internet heaved a collective sigh that 2018 was coming to a close? I certainly did; it was one hell of a bumpy ride and one of the hardest years I have ever had professionally and personally. To be honest, the latter half of 2017 was no picnic either, but 2019, like most “fresh starts” has been unfurled before us, ours to make the most of. I like to get the feel for a new year before I tackle new ideas and goals – I don’t like to declare resolutions because I’m not convinced they work. I like the spirit of resolutions but…

  • autobiographical,  bondage,  FebPhotoFest2019,  Toys

    #FebPhotoFest Day 2 – Humble Beginnings

    This picture takes me back to my early days of kink discovery; weekends in the wilderness, at the feet of a loving sadist (yes, my journey began with submission), learning what it meant to taste freedom for my body and mind in ways I’d never dreamed of. The thirst for intensity and intimacy has not been slaked these many years, it has become, in a word, unquenchable.

  • autobiographical,  femmedom,  January Jump Start,  Thoughts,  Wicked Wednesday

    Exploring New Territory

    I love exploring with new partners. I certainly enjoy touch and ongoing exploration with The Evergreens* as well, but new lovers are so much fun to play and learn with. I feel no shame in saying that variety and new experiences are part of why non-monogamy has been my life and philosophy for over twenty years. When it comes to the exploration of a new partner, whether it’s casual, or more serious, a play session or purposefully bonding lovemaking, there is no exploration I enjoy more than learning the nuances, needs and desires of a submissive man.   Underneath your clothes There’s an endless story There’s the man I chose…