Handjobs are often considered isolated, covert experiences; something quick, secret, and naughty. Other times they can be a preamble to something else, or the highlight of the session. The handjob is a bit of an underdog, relegated to anxty virgins and labelled “for foreplay only”. When you know how to give a great handjob, it’s not a subpar sex act! Nor is it too simple or too juvenile to be worthy of your time. How handjobs fit into your repertoire is up to you and your partner!
How To Give A Great Handjob
Regardless of how you define ‘handjob’ and who you think it refers to, stroking someone’s cock can be super-duper hot. But if you don’t have one of your own, the idea of handling a penis so directly can leave you wondering if you know as much as you think you do. Here are some tips, some starting points, for giving a great handjob.
Ask for consent and direction
Communicate clearly! How to give a great handjob has everything to do with the recipient’s enthusiasm and pleasure. Use plain language to solicit enthusiastic and on-going consent with your partner. As much as handjobs are sometimes deemed as juvenile or ‘entry-level’, you’re still handling someone’s body in an intimate way. Just because a sex act isn’t very nuanced, doesn’t mean it’s open season. If you’re unsure of what will drive them wild, just ask.
Mind the (orgasm) gap
We can’t talk about such a phallo-centric bit of fun like a handjob without bringing the conversation around to acknowledge the over all phallocentricity of sex culture. Don’t get me wrong. Cocks are awesome, both homegrown and store-bought, but our culture centres cocks all the time. Handjobs often come with the unspoken rule that they lead to orgasm. Many people believe that when a penis ejaculates that signals the end of sex. Show’s over, nothing to see here! We are all, ultimately, responsible for our own pleasure, so if they get theirs and you don’t because “sex is done now”, speak up for your needs! The penis can be the priority, but it doesn’t have to be the priority.
Don’t be a jerk when you’re jerking it
Genitals are fickle things, and basically everyone, no matter how confident, is emotionally attached to their genitals in one way or another. You may be experiencing their cock for the first time or the 500th, but regardless, this is not the moment for criticism, visible frustration or judgement. Treat it like what it is: an intimate sexual act. No two cocks are the same so no two handjobs will be the same. Be prepared to respond and adapt your technique!
Be gentle, but not too gentle
If mainstream porn has taught us anything, it’s that a firm grip and a crazy-fast pumping motion is the archetype of male masturbation. Maybe that works for some, but it’s not universal and is not the blueprint for an epic handjob. Genitals are sturdy but sensitive so handle with care. As a baseline, begin with a grip that is similar to a handshake, and talk to your partner about how that feels.
Accept your limitations
Sorry, not sorry, carpal tunnel is nothing to sneeze at. Not everyone has the kind of endurance and musculature to stroke a cock as efficiently or for as long as it’s owner probably can. No one expects you to pump it like a robot with a piston for an arm. The goal is not to perfectly mimic masturbation. They don’t need anyone for that. This is about your hand, on their body, and how exciting that can be for both of you.
Lube is your friend!
Good lube is as good as naturally occurring lubrication. In fact, a well-made pH neutral lube can often outlast natural lubrication and provides a more consistent slipperiness which reduces overall friction and irritation. Handjobs are often spontaneous or covert, meaning lube isn’t always in the cards, but if you have some, use it.
Final Thoughts
Like them or not, handjobs remain an ‘old standby’. I certainly changed my tune from when I first began thinking and talking about them for this article, to now. I’m pro handjob, for sure! They aren’t going anywhere, so why not give them a try? But this time, enjoy them without expectations or muddled definitions, whether you are giving or receiving. Make your own rules: your life, your body. Explore, be kind, play safe, have fun!
This post was sponsored by Sutil Lubricants. The links provided are not affiliate links.
