Final Review of John Thomas Toys

This will be my final review of John Thomas Toys’ products as well as a review of my recent (negative) interactions with the company.

From day one, John Thomas Toys has been generous, easy to work with and friendly. That is, until Monday morning , when I was called a thief and a liar (by gif, no less!), and threatened with legal action because I hadn’t posted a review soon enough.

Final Review of John Thomas ToysI want to make one thing crystal clear: I really loved working with this brand until this happened. I’ve happily done three other glowing reviews for John Thomas. I wrote them positive honest reviews because I loved the products and I loved this brand. Their designs are fun and  interesting and they lead the pack with huge, oversized dildos. They are good quality and they really accommodate the end of the market that is seeking big toys that are non toxic and body safe and come in interesting textures and staggering sizes. I have enjoyed everything I have reviewed for them but this will be my final review of John Thomas Toys.

The Reviews

I have to say, I’m not incredibly motivated to complete these reviews after this complete communication break down, but since this is clearly the end of the line with JTT, here are the reviews. All of these were scheduled for later this month and into mid August. I even featured them in my July newsletter and was designing them into my August one. This is such a bummer, this is a brand I adored that I have been proud to represent and share with readers! 

The three products received from John Thomas Toys for my Final Review of John Thomas Toys are: Smooth Boy (stretcher), Sergeant Major (butt plug) and Xtro (dildo).

Please excuse the shitty Google image search images, but since I wasn’t planning on doing these reviews under duress I haven’t taken my own pics. 

this will be my final review of John Thomas Toys.Smooth Boy:  I don’t know what makes a “stretcher” a stretcher and not a dildo, but if you look on the John Thomas website, you may be able to find the distinction. Smooth Boy is indeed smooth, and quite ‘missile’ shaped with a tapered head. This makes me think that it would be good for beginners. I’d love to tell you how it is to use but I haven’t had a chance to try it yet, the original review was scheduled for the last week of July. You’ll just have to imagine what a smooth, pointed, silicone phallus with a slightly bulbous head, would feel like in your vagina, mouth or anus. It’s made of silicone, top notch quality, and it has the coveted Vacu-Lock compatible hole in the base so you can add a bullet vibe (or the handy-dandy suction cup base that JTT sends for free with purchase). Like all John Thomas products, Smooth Boy comes in a variety of sizes. Colours will vary on availability. Mine is a purple-ish liver colour but it looks as if they have had other colour runs in the past so perhaps they will again. The base makes it ultra safe for anal play and strap-on compatible so even though it’s kind of basic, it has potential!

this will be my final review of John Thomas Toys.

 

Sergeant Major:  This is a buttplug that looks like a dick. I got it in the smallest size, 4″, so it was by far the smallest dick I’ve had in my ass. The shape is somewhat unique, but at the end of the day, a small butt plug is a small butt plug. It’s made of silicone, top notch quality, and it has the coveted Vacu-Lock compatible hole in the base so you can add a bullet vibe or the handy-dandy suction cup base that JTT sends for free with purchase (neither of which I have tried with this plug yet). Like all John Thomas products, Sergeant Major comes in a variety of sizes. Colours will vary on availability. Mine is orange but it looks as if they have had other colour runs in the past (like the black model shown here) so perhaps they will again.

 

 

 final review of John Thomas Toys.

 

Xtro:  What a strange intergalactic beasty Xtro is. He’s sort of a hunchbacked, nubbly-bubbly, chubster of a dildo. Xtro brings the texture to the Pants Party and has an effective G-Spot pounding curve. Girth + texture is my jam so this guy is a keeper.  It’s made of silicone, top notch quality, and it has the coveted Vacu-Lock compatible hole in the base so you can add a bullet vibe or the handy-dandy suction cup base that JTT sends for free with purchase (neither of which I have tried with this plug yet). Like all John Thomas products, Sergeant Major comes in a variety of sizes. Colours will vary on availability. Mine is purple but it looks as if they have had other colour runs in the past, so perhaps they will again. 

 

 

 

IMPORTANT: This is not a smear campaign nor a call to arms

This is an honest review of my experience, because yes, customer service matters, even to us bloggers. I think it’s important to share these experiences with fellow bloggers and consumers so they can make informed decisions on the brands they choose to work with and support. This dialogue also provides a knowledge base for the folks that work for companies that have relationships with bloggers/ambassadors because how those relationships play out will be reflected in the honest reviews that we provide. I absolutely endorse the quality, variety and materials of their toys. Unfortunately, I can no longer endorse their brand as a whole after how I was spoken to.   

(the John Thomas Toys’ rep’s name has been blacked out because I’m not sure if the name they use is their real name or a pseudonym)

this will be my final review of John Thomas Toys.

this will be my final review of John Thomas Toys.

Context:

  • The first text came out of nowhere. Previous to that, the last message I’d had from them was a cute cat gif on May 29.  
  • It hasn’t been “over 3 months”. The product arrived April 20th and this conversation was on July 12th.
  • Usually I charge for toy reviews but with JTT, I had waived that fee because their dildos are big, expensive and are travelling a long way to me.  All I gain from this arrangement is the dildo in exchange for the reviews.
  • There was no deadline agreed upon. If you have ever tested toys, you will know that using something once isn’t a fair test, and I like to be thorough, so product testing usually takes me a couple months. This is the same timeline all my JTT reviews have been done on. I would have welcomed feedback that they wanted them done by a certain due date, etc. 
  • Life happens! I have two nesting partners, both of whom are struggling with Covid burnout and one of whom isn’t currently able to work. So yes, I have been working my ass off and trying to support my family, and yes, a few things have slipped through the cracks. If that means some free toys don’t get immediately tested and reviewed, so be it. None of that merits being called names and being threatened.

this will be my final review of John Thomas Toys.

 

The pièce de résistance is the pic that was sent at the end of that conversation. It’s the gif of Gollum (Smeagol?) saying “You’re a liar and a thief.”

Then they blocked me. 

To say I’m disappointed is an understatement, and to be honest, I hate posting this but what is the point of being in a community if we don’t share these things? The fact that this was a professional exchange with a large company is concerning. I assume that they did not expect any push back once they said “legal” and when I *did* push back, they panicked. Their response (name calling by gif and blocking) makes me wonder if this is the first time. 

Again,  I’m NOT calling for JTT to be cancelled or anything, so please don’t blow this out of proportion. I am personally always bemoaning the changes in the “community vibe” of the sex blogger/reviewer group on Twitter and beyond, so I cannot in good conscience sit idle and sweep this experience under the rug. That said, I have expressed myself on the matter and I won’t be discussing it further. I have not disparaged the company, I will not disparage the company, but I also choose not to support them in any way going forward. 

 

Violet

Violet Fawkes (she/her) is a freelance writer and sex blogger focusing on pleasure education, erotic fiction, and the intersection of identity, kink and mental health.

2 thoughts on “Final Review of John Thomas Toys

  1. It is horrible how they have treated you! That gif…omg. Just so unprofessional and plain rude and mean. Thank you for sharing this. I would not want to work with a company that treats people that way. Sorry for what you have been put through by them.

    1. That is unbelievable. It is one thing to get snippy about your “late” reviews but how horrible and juvenile to send the gif and to block you. So unprofessional.

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