Locked Boy

Content Warning: “Locked Boy” includes D/s dynamics, male chastity, long distance relationships. Please proceed with caution if these topics are challenging for you.

Locked Boy

That’s how I like it, and he likes it how I like it, so that’s what we do.

Today, Cyprus (aka @UnsureSwitch) hit a major goal: 75 days in chastity. No touching, no teasing or edging, certainly no orgasms, for 75 days. This has been his longest stint yet! I am both impressed with, and proud of, his focus and determination.

Support vs Requirement

I say *his* stint, because it is just that. Chastity is not something I require of him in our relationship dynamic. We both like it, we both enjoy how it highlights and delineates our roles, but if he said he was done, or bored, or just wanted a break, I wouldn’t think twice. If he didn’t want to start up again, there’d be no issue. Do I want that? No, not at all, but his health and welfare, including mental health, is always the primary consideration. If ever it becomes a negative or destructive part of his life, we will have to stop and re-calibrate.

Not quite ready to throw away the key

Happily, stopping is as far from his personal ideal as can be. Given his druthers he’d be indefinitely locked with no goal setting or countdowns, simply unlocked when I want him unlocked. That is a consideration, a discussion item for down the road, but for now we work with a reasonable goal, and often extend that goal if it’s going well. I have final say on when the streak is broken, but mostly, I stick to the plan because that best supports him. He’s the kind of guy that finishes what he starts and puts his head down and works for things, so I would take no joy in cutting things short. I’d much rather reward him for success he’s earned than ruin his progress. 

Locked is the way forward

Given that his goal of 75 days was so ambitious (previous record was 39), it seemed a good time to talk about the rest of the year, and the future of his chastity in general. September 22 starts the countdown of the last 100  days of the year. Between today and September 22, there are 72 days. When asked if he had opinions on how to use those 72 days, he suggested we do it like a marathon with shorter stints before the ‘big race’. We decided on 45 days, and then 27 days, and then the last 100 of the year. I’m reserving discussion on 2022 goals because I need to see how he does during that 100 day stretch. Because these are new and bigger goals than ever before we have no benchmarks other than the last number. It’s uncharted territory for both of us.

Balance and the ambition of submission

One hundred days is ambitious, but so are we. In many ways I feel like we have been so in step with one another since we decided to go from friendship to relationship in December, that we have covered a lot of ground. He has a passionate, determined streak a mile wide and that part of his character really shines through when he’s locked. I don’t anticipate that he will have issues with a 100 day streak because I trust that he won’t just push through. 

Honest gains and losses

As for me, I help keep him on track so he is successful, if he is in fact successful, I won’t pad his stats or “let him win”. I give him perspective, encouragement and motivation and marvel at his discipline. love his chastity and the gamification of it. But mostly, I love that it’s a way that we express love to each other.

In past chastity dynamics I don’t think I was self-serving enough. I was too indulgent and the dynamic ultimately became phallocentric, and I had somehow convinced myself that I wanted it that way. It was also, I assume, frustrating to my partners because I wasn’t creating the D/s tension that in hindsight I know they wanted.

Locking down how we do chastity

The reality is this: I enjoy chastity dynamics best when the lock closes and the penis only speaks when spoken to. (Obviously hygiene is a necessary exception, but you get the point). It all but disappears from our dialogue, until I request/demand it be freed. There’s some tease, but mostly denial. That’s how I like it, and he likes it how I like it, so that’s what we do. Like I said, I’m not in the habit of derailing his hard earned progress, but I could. Sometimes he begs for a few extra days because he’s enjoying the streak he’s on. I’m nothing if not accommodating. In the past I have felt pressure, and buckled to it, by giving in out of the fear of disharmony. I have since learned that not only is that inauthentic and dishonest, it undermines the entire dynamic. Power exchange requires reciprocity achieved through trust, not placating your partner.

Resources and Role-models

I have learned so much from reading Denying Thumper  and The Drew Duality. These brilliant writers, Thumper and Drew, make the topic of male chastity so accessible and so stigma free. Their blogs are honest, filled with dynamic casts of real life characters, and give really  beautiful and intimate insight into chastity. As a cis woman who is a Switch and enjoys male chastity, their words have been empowering. Their insights have been so helpful to me these many years I’ve followed them. I model my supportive but hands off approach with Cyprus’ chastity after the lovely and enigmatic Belle, Thumper’s larger-than-life partner. It can be tricky to find representation of keyholders who approach things with kindness, or better yet the utterly sexy aloof take-it-or-leave-it style that he describes. 

Pride and Gratitude

I won’t wax poetic here on the importance of responsibility and duty of care in BDSM, that’s another post. I will say this. Being trusted as the leader in a relationship is both a privilege and an honour. I love seeing him grow and the pride we both feel for our dynamic. He is so tenaciously engaged in his submission. He will say that I’m the inspiration, but I’m inspired by how hard he works to be the best version of himself, for both of us. I’m delighted to see him continue to flourish and I’m so happy to be a part of it.  

 

Violet

Violet Fawkes (she/her) is a freelance writer and sex blogger focusing on pleasure education, erotic fiction, and the intersection of identity, kink and mental health.

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