John Thomas Toys' Anal Probe

This is my second toy from John Thomas Toys, and I couldn’t love it more! My first was The Barbarian, and now I have John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe, but for full disclosure, it’s gotten nowhere near my butt because this toy is HUGE.

a white J and T intersect on a black shield. Below are the words John Thomas Toys (TM) in a playful, retro-cool type font

After my wonderful experiences with The Barbarian, I was confident that I would be happy with anything in the John Thomas line, so I let them decide. It may sound scary to have someone else decide your dildo fate but in this case the John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe is a winner. It came in the same size as The Barbarian (12″) and it is just as formidable but also just as pleasurable.

Stats & Specs

The full specs for all sizes of the John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe are available on the John Thomas website. The Anal Probe comes in 4 sizes: 7″, 9″, 12″, and 16″. These are the specs for the 12″:

  • Overall height:  12 inches/30.48 cm
  • Base height:  1.5 inches/3.80 cm
  • Insertable length:  10.5 inches/26.70 cm
  • Circumference (head):  4 inches/10.20 cm
  • Circumference (top of shaft):  7.5 inches/19.00 cm
  • Circumference (middle of shaft):  9.5 inches/24.10 cm
  • Circumference (bottom of shaft):  11.2 inches/28.40 cm
  • Circumference (base):  13.2 inches/33.50 cm
  • Vac-U-Lock™ compatible
  • O Ring compatible
  • Weight:  1350g/2.97 lbs
  • Made from 100% Platinum Silicone (FDA approved)
  • Texture:  Smooth
  • Colour:  Black or Orange
  • Available Firmness: Soft (shore rating A-15)  or  Medium (shore rating A-20)
  • Designed in UK
  • Made in USA

John Thomas® ANAL PROBE Platinum Silicone Dildo

Just like last time, the shipping was incredibly speedy and my toy arrived in a very non-descript, unmarked brown box. If privacy and discretion is essential for you, you can trust John Thomas Toys.

My Experience with the John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe

It would be easy to think that all large/oversize toys might feel more or less the same because maybe all you’d feel is “full”. Not so! The John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe is distinctly different from The Barbarian, even though their measurements are more or less the same. The Anal Probe is smooth all over with four ridges that run its length and a soft bump at the tip. John Thomas Toys' Anal Probe

Since I only used the Anal Probe vaginally, I can’t speak to the task of taking such a blunt toy in my ass, but I will say that the graduated “pylon” shape is very pleasurable, or so say my vulva and vagina. There is an initial pressure and blunt fullness from the breadth of the end pushing the labia back and open and the tension it creates in those first few super-sensitive inches of the vaginal canal that I found quite exquisite. The soft “nose” was firm but gentle when it eventually made its way to my cervix. A lot of people with cervixes dislike pressure there but I personally love it, and despite its quickly widening shape, the John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe bottomed out inside me quite comfortably.

The real delight of this toy is the four ridges that run the length of the dildo and the channels between them. They feel great straight in, but twisting/rotating it (like turning up a dial or turning a tap) makes for an incredibly unique and exciting sensation as those ridges and channels take turns providing new sensations. Much like The Barbarian, I found this hefty and large dildo too much for my small hands and I prefer to ride it for maximum control of the depth and intensity. It is very sturdy, mine is a medium density, and it is firm without feeling rigid, yielding without being soft.

A thing or two about butts and big toys

As mentioned, this massive toy is going nowhere near my posterior any time soon because as much as I am a fan of anal play, I am a long way from being able to manage something this epic. If you have anal play goals, and the site of something like this gorgeous dildo gets you going, it may be advantageous to look into anal training. This guide that I wrote as part of my Sex 101 series outlines all the steps you need to consider if you have big butt stuff dreams and no idea how to get there. As always, anal play comes with some cautions and considerations but it can absolutely be a great addition to your sexual repertoire as long as you are prepared and adventurous and you have an excellent lube close at hand. I make no secrets of my love of Sutil Lubes and my partnership with them. They really are great companions to all the sorts of sex you may have, including waterbased, all natural formulations that are slick and long lasting enough for anal.

Why you will love this dildo

The John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe is a simple dildo but it’s left me smiling and more than satisfied every time I’ve used it.

But let me tell you why:

  • Designed in the UK and American-made, it is a well made dildo
  • Great for folks that are overwhelmed by, or just don’t like, a lot of texture
  • Pure silicone, and lots of it – 3 lbs!
  • Easy to clean and sterilize because it’s just silicone, that’s it
  • Latex compatible
  • Works great with your favourite water-based lube
  • Vac-U-Lock™ compatible
  • The base is O-ring compatible
  • It’s just a well made, solid toy that will give you years of pleasure
Bang for your Buck 

At the time this post was published the regular retail price for the John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe was £69.99/approx $90 USD. It’s not a budget toy, but if you’re looking for a quality dildo that is well made and will last for many years, treat yourself to this chunky, hunky, hunk of silicone.


The Violet Fawkes Seal of Approval

The Anal Probe is a great toy, no ifs ands or but(t)s. It absolutely deserves to join the ranks of previous Fawkes’ Faves toys. I have no specific criticisms for this toy; I love the look and feel of it, it did everything and was everything it was expected to be, and more. It is without hesitation that I *again* recommend John Thomas toys. Run, don’t walk, and get yourself one! 



Thank you so much to the team at John Thomas Toys for sending me the John Thomas Toys’ Anal Probe in exchange for an honest review. All opinions and endorsements are my own. The links in this post are not affiliate links.

Violet Fawkes

Violet Fawkes (she/her) is a freelance writer and sex blogger focusing on pleasure education, erotic fiction, and the intersection of identity, kink and mental health.