I’m declaring this No Negative Self Talk November. To document this undertaking I’m combining two community projects this month: Never Have I Ever November and Erotic Blog Post Month. I hope you’ll read along!

The new Never Have I Ever November is hosted by Lillith and the latter, Erotic Blog Post Month, by Brigit. I’m very excited because my topic is one that will definitely give me enough fodder for a whole month and is something I have never tried:

eliminating negative self talk for a whole month

Sometimes I can barely go a day, an hour, a few minutes even, without shit-talking myself into or out of something, and frankly, it’s exhausting. Throughout November I will be blogging daily, (or close to daily) on the implications of self-talk (negative and positive), the role of shame, upbringing, media, culture, and relationships all have on self image and how it affects how we all think and speak of ourselves.

It will be an autobiographical month, like a daily Dear Diary, but I aim to keep the concepts broad enough for mass-appeal as well as trying new strategies, making new discoveries, finding new ways to motivate and reward myself, and learning more about who I can be if I learn to let go of those old ways of thinking.

Self reflection is not a new topic on Love, Violet. Past posts can be read in the Autobiographical category or the Body Image category, if you’re interested. No Negative Self Talk November will be a more thoughtful and structured approach to autobiography and self talk and it’s my hope that it will inspire others to give themselves the grace and kindness about themselves and their bodies that we give to each other.

Wish me luck! I’m trying to avoid seeing this as a pass/fail project and more as one that will bring learning and self-understanding no matter how smoothly or roughly it goes, and in order to not be so black and white with myself I will need to employ the very spirit of No Negative Self Talk November and hold myself accountable. It won’t all be sexy, but it will all be real.

Yikes. Is this what growth feels like? It’s uncomfortable! Okay, I’m hitting “publish” on this before I can back out …






Violet Fawkes

Violet Fawkes (she/her) is a freelance writer and sex blogger focusing on pleasure education, erotic fiction, and the intersection of identity, kink and mental health.