Oral, fellatio, nob-gobbling, a BJ, giving head, whatever you call it, blowjobs are a popular sex act almost the world over. For some it’s strictly taboo and for others it’s a casual thing, but however you slice it, if you want to give great head, you must embrace the subtle art of giving a great blowjob.

The Subtle Art of Giving a Great Blowjob

Though they are often seen as impulsive or hasty, giving a truly pleasurable blow job, like any other sexual skill, is something that can be taught. Blowjob skills are something that you can practice and finesse, all you need is the appetite to learn the subtle art of giving a great blowjob.

A very misleading name

The term ‘blowjob’ is a ubiquitous catch-all for the sexual act of stimulating a penis with a mouth, and it even more specifically implies oral penetration. In heteronormative terms that would mean a woman sucking the cock of a man, but blowjobs are definitely not strictly hetero/cishet acts. Like all of sex, all sorts of people, in all sorts of combinations, like all sorts of things. What is not ideal about the term “blowjob” is that no one wants to think of pleasing a partner (and being excited themselves) as a “job” or drudgery (or maybe that’s your kink and that’s okay too!). The implication that oral sex is a chore or a task that must be done, is frankly, outmoded and not very sex positive. Furthermore, blowing is distinctly not okay during oral (don’t blow air up into anyone’s genitals!) and it should never be done. Blowing air into the delicate channel of the human urethra is not advised. Instead of blowing, there are many, many, many sensations that are safe, and usually quite welcome. 

Know before you blow: consent and communication are key

Nothing is sexier than knowing, with clarity and confidence, that your partner is excited by what you are doing or about to do. The culture around blowjobs sometimes implies that oral sex is not an emotionally intimate act and that all people with penises want blow jobs and that they want them all the time. This couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s worth mentioning as well, that as the “giver” your consent and limits are just as valid and just as much a priority as the boundaries of the “receiver”. Understanding, in advance, what both of you like and value in a blowjob is very helpful. Although there are no universal rules, there are certainly some general best practices for blow jobs that are a good place to start.  

Be risk aware

Oral sex comes with STI risks, like any sexual activity, and most – if not all – of them can be mitigated by using a condom. Roll on a rubber, use a flavoured lube and don’t let playing it safe ruin the fun. 

Getting down to the nitty gritty

So there you are, face to face with your partner’s cock. Now what? It can be intimidating to dive right in, so start slow. Every mouth, and every penis, is unique, so it’s reasonable that both parties need a short adjustment period to get the lay of the land. All penises are, by nature, sensitive, and sensitivity can be a particularly salient detail for uncircumcised penises. With a circumcised or “cut” cock, the foreskin has been removed and the head of the penis is always exposed and is frequently handled. Uncircumcised, or “uncut” cocks have the nerve/pleasure-rich foreskin intact which provides a physical barrier between the sensitive head and anything that touches it. This often leaves uncut cocks highly sensitive when that foreskin is pulled (gently!) back, either by hand or through the transformation from flaccid to erect. Don’t be intimidated if you’re unsure how foreskin contributes to your partner’s pleasure: just ask them. 

There’s no one way to give a great blow job because what feels good is different for everyone but avoiding your teeth, unless requested, keeping things wet and providing a variety of sensations are some basic tips for an awesome BJ.

While you’re down there …

Blow jobs don’t have to strictly be about penises. Touching and kissing their stomach, pelvis, testicles, and thighs can provide a nice rest for your jaw and up the intimacy factor. Always keep it gentle unless you know they want more, and if you’re unsure, check in. Rimming and/or anal penetration (tongue or fingers) can be part of the blowjob experience, but don’t surprise them with a finger in their ass unless you know it’s welcome.

Talking, moaning and giving the receiver lots of eye contact can be very exciting for both of you and helps keep the lines of communication open. Showing your enthusiasm is never a bad thing and they will more than likely appreciate the feedback.    

Technique is important

Start broad and then get more narrow with your focus: moving slowly and gently between the base, shaft and head with your lips or tongue will help you gauge your partner’s personal sensitivity and what feels best, or what doesn’t feel good. For many people the underside of the penis head is incredibly sensitive but can be quickly overstimulated, so it’s a great spot to give attention to, but it may become too much.  

Don’t be afraid to get messy

Saliva is your friend. Use it to lubricate the head and shaft as you move, and don’t feel like your mouth has to do all of the work. Supplementing with your hand, especially if your partner has a sensitive cock or is uncircumcised is totally okay. 

What about the ending?

We’ve all heard the debate of Spit vs. Swallow and here’s the facts on that: both are acceptable, neither is required, and there are other options. If you don’t relish taking a mouthful of semen, ingesting it, or disposing of it by spitting it out, it’s okay to move out of the way, help them finish with your hand, let them take over with their hand, have them ejaculate onto themselves or onto your body, or to just not have orgasm be part of the blowjob experience. All of those endings are valid. You do not have to swallow to give a good blow job. 

Final thoughts on The Subtle Art of Giving a Great Blowjob

Blowjobs can be an intimidating activity if you’re not experienced with them, or if you are with a new partner. Willingness and enthusiasm goes a long way, but always remember that sex is a two way street and both partners need to be engaged and communicative. Don’t let the preconceptions that oral is essential, or transactional or taboo, or anything else, deter you from enjoying it, engaging in it and mastering it. As the “giver” you needn’t be selfless, it’s okay to enjoy giving head, and it’s okay to not want to do it. The best sex is transparent sex where everyone feels safe and expressive, so take it slow, open wide, and make your partner say ‘ahhhhhhhh’.  

 

5 thoughts on “The Subtle Art of Giving a Great Blowjob”

  1. Great post! Wish I’d had that to read 25 years ago. 😉 I’m by no means sexually timid, but I’ve always found blow jobs a bit scary. Between my fear of injuring someone (combination of small mouth & having read WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP aged 12) & medication that makes my mouth dry, I find them difficult. What’s the best way round no saliva? Lube? But it always tastes so bad…

    1. There are some decent tasting lubes out there. Here’s a review I did on some: https://violetfawkes.com/2020/10/18/sutil-flavours-flavoured-lube-for-people-who-dont-like-flavoured-lube/

      Beyond that, try to keep your lips well sealed around him and breathe through your nose. Also, taking him deeper into your throat (may even enough to gag a bit) will make your mouth wetter and bring up the thicker saliva from your throat. And always remember you can supplement with your hand on the shaft, keep the limited resources of your mouth just for the sensitive head. Good luck!

  2. as always Violet, i enjoyed reading and the words of wisdom. As a sub bi male, i have always enjoyed going down on either and found in doing so i do oral worship keeping the word job out. This makes it very enjoyable for me.
    Thanks again for a great blog

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