Fantasy is often our earliest and most common form of escapism. As an adult, fantasy can be a stress relief strategy or a sexual mechanism. Fantasy gives us mental and emotional space not only to ‘experience’ things we don’t have access to or the courage to try, it also makes it possible to to confront questions, fears and anxieties around sex and intimacy in a safe and controlled way.
An idle mind wanders, but so does an occupied mind. The more stressed or fatigued our brains are the more likely they are to try to shift into a sort of ‘power save mode’ to get some rest. Because we are inundated with information constantly, our brains work hard to keep up but focusing remains an issue in the path of a million and one distractions. In fact, adults regularly daydream and fantasise up to 45% of their waking life but not all of our distracted thoughts are positive. We tend to think of ‘fantasy’ as a good thing – fun, sexy, dreamy, or inspirational thoughts, but fantasy also includes worry, negative self talk and anxiety.
So how do we keep it light, and particularly, how do we keep it sexy? In this day and age where cellphones basically grow out of our palms, sexting can be a very viable option.
Single and sexting
Exchanging some steamy texts isn’t something that is only for couples. There are loads of websites devoted to connecting eager sexters with one another for safe, mutual fun. Making these connections can give you the sensation of mutual desire and the rush of playing with someone like-minded without commitment or physical exposure.
Sexting isn’t just for LDRs
LDRs, or Long Distance Relationships, often include a lot of sexting in lieu of physical intimacy. Luckily, you don’t need to be across the globe to engage in some sexy texting. You can be across town or even across the room. If you’re in a partnership and sexting with someone who isn’t your partner, make sure that you’re both clear on whether or not that’s okay. Sexting can often be seen as “emotional cheating” in monogamous relationships, and sometimes even in less traditional relationship models. Be honest and clear with everyone involved and state your limits clearly. There’s no need to make things complicated!
Make sure your words are welcome
Consent is essential in healthy interactions and relationships, and sexting is no exception. Just as you wouldn’t send an unsolicited nude or flash someone with your genitals, launching into sexting can be off putting and upsetting to the recipient if it is unwanted or unexpected. Always respect the other person’s boundaries and limits; this is just as important as it is in person.
Fantasy is not reality
Sexting can be really fun, and a big part of that fun is that it’s not real sex. You can talk about all sorts ideas, wishes, fantasies and if they are bizarre, or extreme, that’s fine, just make sure your sexting partner is up for where your mind wanders to. Another benefit to sexting is that you can play your way through fantasies in which you have no experience or concrete knowledge. You may know nothing about rope bondage in real life, but you can have super hot sexting scenes on the topic without endangering yourself or others. Just remember that if you take your playtime off of the screen and into the physical world, safety becomes more important and risk factors increase.
Keep it in perspective
Thinking sexy, “dirty” or “perverted” thoughts is totally relative. What might be wild and an absolutely hard limit in real life could be a fantastic fantasy. You needn’t judge yourself, or others, for exploring sex or sexuality through word role-play and sexting, after all it’s just words.
Have fun with it
The whole point of sexting is to enjoy yourself and get a bit lost in a fantasy exchange with someone. You don’t ever need to make those thoughts a reality or act them out in person, and if it’s not fun for whatever reason, you can change the topic or just stop. Enjoy the freedom of sexual expression without the worry of contraception, STIs or other communicable disease, or the intensity of saying those words aloud to another human.
Simply put: fantasy is healthy and fun. Allow yourself to indulge in your sexy daydreams and share the thrill of some mental escape with someone through sexting.
“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”
~ Dr. Seuss