{CONTENT WARNING: weight, body image, bulimia, self esteem}
I used to hate my body, I used to hide it at all costs. I’d dress in loose clothing, protectively cover my stomach when I sat; anything to disguise or distract. I was a bulimic teen, my twenties were a haze of body shame and constantly feeling out of place and like my body was an imposition on the world. My thirties have been somewhat better.

Slowly, over time I have done many small things that add up to a significant change in my body image. I realize now that my body isn’t the price of admission I pay to participate in the world. It’s not indicative of so many things about myself that I appreciate and am proud of. When I stopped seeing myself as just a body, my body started to look better to me.

My body is mobile and strong. My skin is fair and has afforded me innumerable privileges. My body may not be the price I pay to belong in the world but it does come with benefits, even if what I see in the mirror is not what I see on the covers of magazines.

I want to love my body, but today I will settle for acceptance. I want to appreciate my body and that means acknowledging that it has utility, privilege and currency that make even my most self critical days easier.

I’m not in love with my body. Not yet. But that change is coming too.

3 thoughts on “I’m not in love with my body. Not yet.”

  1. This was beautifully written. It took me a long time to appreciate and love my body. Some days are better than others. I have traveled the journey and still stumble, to this day.

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