I had a weird morning today. I got up and went about my usual weekend morning routine and checked out Twitter over coffee. I went down a bit of a rabbit hole of the ongoing transphobic rhetoric and that led me through a few threads of civil conversations, then defensive back and forth between bloggers, then some ugly, ugly words from some ugly, ugly folks. I made an error by looking at the timeline of a person I have had blocked for a long time, for reasons that pre-date the transphobe war within the community. Maybe I thought I was past being bothered by the person I was reading, maybe it was morbid curiosity, regardless of how I got there, I didn’t stay long once I got into a recent blog post they had published.
I was a bit horrified, if I’m honest. The article was a personal explanation of a common, everyday BDSM practice (of which there is no one true way) but the way that it was all laid out made my skin crawl. There was no mention of consent, there was no filter on their inner monologue and the whole process they were describing sounded dark and manipulative, troubling and predatory.
I can absolutely accept that my interpretation was likely not the intended energy of the piece, but as one well versed BDSM practioner reading the account of another well versed BDSM practioner, I was completely disgusted. Beyond being disgusted, I was totally triggered. I tweeted a cringe and tongue-in-cheek ” I need and adult!” gif, but the more I sat with it, the more upset I felt. Racing heart, swimming head, dry mouth and sweaty hands. Cue the full tilt panic attack.
It may seem shitty or shady that I am not naming the blogger or the piece, but to be honest, given the climate of the community and what I know of this person, I frankly don’t feel safe to. I don’t have ‘the spoons’ right now to manage an onslaught of aggression or a smear campaign by them and their pack of jackals. I guess they win this round. So why even bring it up? Because I think it’s important to remember that what we write and how we write it, especially if we are posing something instructional or centering ourselves as experienced or as experts, matters. This is also why content warnings matter, and that even if you don’t consider yourself an expert or an educator, you don’t know who reads your words and how they interpret them.
As a result of the short bout of panic, at Daddy’s behest, I’m taking a break from Twitter, for at least the weekend. I’m feeling too easily affected by the egos and volatility of some folks. I just don’t have the resources to fight right now.