I’m learning to love my body in a new way, and to my surprise, it’s through masturbation. I’ve begun to relish self pleasure in a way I have never experienced before and I am delighted that I’m not overthinking it. Quite the opposite, it is providing me with a lovely sense of clarity.
By not being in control of how or when I touch myself, it’s become a delicious mid morning ritual. He could say no and deny me, or not let me cum, but I’ve been having such a good time that he keeps indulging me. As generous as he is, there are always caveats. He dictates when I do it and whether or not I orgasm. If I am granted orgasm, he will stipulate a goal number of orgasms as well as the method. Sometimes he lets me fill in the blanks, other times he orchestrates down to the smallest details. I never know which it will be and the thrill of that has made masturbation much more appealing. Viewing masturbation as self care is something I have resented in the past but like so many things, it is made palatable, even enjoyable, because it is a clear instruction. Because I want to please him the motivation is shifted away from frustration and toward the joy of submission.