More Hope Than Fear

This post is a part of For the Health Of It, a new health and lifestyle project by Julie, a sexpositive, kinky blogger who is also health conscious and making some changes to her life and sharing along the way. The topic for June is “Hopes and Fears” and Julie has posed the following questions:

  • Are you daring to think of a time when you will be free to do as you wish?
  • Do you have some ideas for things you might do?
  • Have those ideas changed from those you had before?
  • Are you fearful of getting back to a ‘normal life’?
  • Are there things you won’t go back to doing? People you no longer wish to see?
  • What are your hopes and fears for the future?

More Hope Than Fear

I have been lucky that aside from the stress and anxiety of the pandemic existing, it hasn’t affected my day to day life very much. I work from home, I’m an antisocial hermit anyway and my nesting partners have mostly been able to keep working so our routines are mostly unchanged. I don’t dream of the freedom of post-lockdown because I wasn’t really out there anyway. People talk about all the things they can’t wait to experience and I feel a bit hollow, I wonder if I should feel more that way? I don’t feel fearful of the virus, as much as I feel fearful of the people who aren’t taking it seriously and I’m fearful of the capitalist machine that will open public spaces for profits at almost any cost. I’m not eager to get out into the public again, not that I was enthusiastic before.

I feel more hope than fear – hope that good will come of all this. It seems to me that quarantine and the cabin fever that comes with it, coupled with a lot of people losing faith in their government, has really set up the perfect storm for Black Lives Matter and changes to the police systems to gain traction. It’s so overdue and the changes are incremental but that’s how any revolution starts: there has to be a first stone thrown. It’s such a shame that it took an international pandemic and catastrophic loss of life to prime people for political change. I’m hopeful that we can keep our foot on the gas and effect some really significant change for the better.

Fear keeps us imprisoned and hope sets us free. I sometimes feel naive or silly for moments of hope. My inner cynic would prefer the succour of fear and the way it keeps things quiet and below the surface. But I want to be hopeful. I want to imagine a better standard of existence for people who are oppressed, I want to dream of flights that take me to my lovers’ arms. I want to dream and feel like that dream isn’t crushed by worry and doubt that the world is ending. There’s no “returning to normal”. How could there be? No, we have passed a point of no return and we have to adapt. It’s hard, it’s unnerving, but it’s possible. It’s essential. It’s human. Just as fear and hope are part of the human experience, so is change. I don’t fear change, I’m hopeful that we will achieve it.


Every Damn Day In June


Violet Fawkes

Violet Fawkes (she/her) is a freelance writer and sex blogger focusing on pleasure education, erotic fiction, and the intersection of identity, kink and mental health.