Make Me New Again: Bathing as Kink Aftercare

There are some acts of intimacy that are so unbearably perfect in my imagination, that I almost hesitate to bring them to fruition. Even dreaming of them feels risky, and yet, if I give them a moment’s consideration, they consume me. Being bathed is one of those fantasies.

I have bathed, and been bathed, by lovers before, but never him. Not yet. That’s the dream: the quiet movement of the hot water, gentle hands, slow and soothing. Is there anything more heavenly? Sex and lust can get messy, and the intensity of kinky sex makes a shower, or better yet a bath, a wonderful act of aftercare. Individual needs for aftercare vary as much as the people involved but for me, I need three things:

• Quiet – a broad term, basically meaning ‘low stimuli’: low light, quiet sound, etc.
• Touch – this is especially key after highly physical, emotional, or painful scenes and can be my own touch if I’m alone. I drop quickly if there’s no physical through-line from kink to aftercare to being fully out of the scene and out of subspace.
• Talking – connecting, sharing, debriefing, getting and giving praise and affirmation are all essential for me and I think they are just a good practice in general.

Being bathed as aftercare is so ideal for me and such a lovely way to come back to the planet because some of my kinks are things that I still feel ashamed of from time to time. I’ve been discovering and fostering some humiliation kinks and other things that could, if done carelessly, be upsetting. The ritualistic potential of being bathed, of literally and figuratively being made anew, being cleansed and feeling that the “sin” or “dirtiness” has been washed away is so relieving and makes pushing those boundaries, and having him push them, all the more possible and more delicious. Until I can have that in the flesh, I wait: ever patient, ever ready to feel him make me new again, make me his again and sanctify my body for his pleasure and approval.

Violet Fawkes

Violet Fawkes (she/her) is a freelance writer and sex blogger focusing on pleasure education, erotic fiction, and the intersection of identity, kink and mental health.