autobiographical

Tell Me How I Make You Feel

This post was written as a contribution to Mx Nillin’s Blogger Love Language project that runs until the end of September and encourages bloggers to share their “love language” when it comes to discussing their work, getting feedback, and which ways their readers can best motivate and encourage them through words and actions. I recommend reading the other contributions as well!

 

I love words.

Words hold so much magic and power, whether written or spoken, and even though the old adage is “actions speak louder than words” nothing gets to me like words do. When considering how I prefer feedback, what my Blogger Love Language is, the answer is simple: just tell me.

All Words, All The Time 

If you want to give me feedback on my words, use your own. When it comes to Love Languages, my real-world love language is Words of Affirmation, and the same goes for my blog. Tell me what you think, tell me how my work makes you feel.  If a comment or compliment is genuine and well-meaning, I don’t have any limitations on how I like praise expressed, no words that I prefer, just tell me how my art affects you. It’s lovely to know that you enjoyed it or that it made you think or you understand my point of view.

Words of Affirmation, Not Defamation

A few weeks ago I deleted my CuriousCat account because the anonymity it provided gave some trolls license to eviscerate me with criticism, accusations and personal attacks on my body, relationships, validity in the kink community and my writing. It was almost enough to make me delete my blog. Almost. The lasting effects have made me pull back, interact less, avoid personal posts for the most part, and I can’t even think about taking provocative photos. So as much as I love words, they can be very painful when they are hurled with cruelty and I am wary of opening myself up to such assaults again. I will say this, in terms of feedback: words can hurt as much as they heal, and unkind words and unsolicited negative opinions are not welcome here. Constructive criticism and suggestions are fine, not everyone will like my work or think I’m very good at it. Having a background in visual art, I am accustomed to receiving feedback and critique on the things that I create and if the criticism is respectful, I am generally glad to receive it.

Love and Appreciation 

I am often overwhelmed by the kindness and sheer numbers of comments I get and I appreciate every one of them. I suppose I am most appreciative when I can understand why something I have created resonates with someone or why my style works for them. It is meaningful to me to know that my ideas can inspire or excite, and touching someone through my words is incredibly fulfilling, so never hold back!

Image result for how to support an artist

 

Commission Me!

Nothing says “I like your work” like spending your hard earned money for it. I am lucky enough to have a slow but steady stream of clients in the NSFW creative community and I am incredibly grateful for the collaboration and support. If you’re in the market for a bespoke ‘something’, my creative services include, but aren’t limited to:

  • freelance writing (especially within the NSFW/sex/relationships sphere)
  • custom erotica
  • proof reading/editing
  • custom avatars
  • blog banners
  • meme badges
  • logos
  • illustrations

Ways to Connect with Me 

  • Subscribe (in the sidebar on the right)
  • Use my Contact Form for commission requests, paid opportunities or to have me review your product
  • Leave respectful comments on posts and images
  • Interact with me on Twitter
  • Follow me on Instagram
  • Support me on Patreon
  • Show me how much you love me via PayPal (violetfawkes@gmail.com)

Thank You and Goodnight

Thanks for reading along and allowing me to indulge in the feedback loop and share what’s most validating and what I struggle with. I’m awfully glad for all the love, support, and feedback I do get and I’m forever endeavouring to give more back to the community, because I feel I owe so much to all of you. It’s lovely company we keep and I’m proud to know each one of you. Thank you for your continued affirmation and for respecting and speaking my Blogger Love Language with me.

 

Love,

Violet xo

9 Comments

  • Sweetgirl

    I’d forgotten about this meme as I meant to write something… I better get going eh?? This was brilliantly written and i agree with your comments.. I do hope that your comments are positive and not destructive… I always think “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all”…. perhaps that should be taught in schools??

  • quinnrhodes

    I love reading sex bloggers writing about sex bloggers, and this was a fascinating read. I agree with you that words are magical and so, so powerful, and the line “meaningful to me to know that my ideas can inspire or excite, and touching someone through my words is incredibly fulfilling” resonated with me so much. I feel the same way about blogging a lot of the time. And your words really are brilliant.

  • jupitergrant

    A wonderful post. I agree with everything you say- genuine expressions of affirmation or even of constructive criticism are valuable – hate and cruelty are unwelcome. I’m so, so glad that you didn’t delete your blog. Those hateful people do not deserve any of your power. You are a much loved and valued member of the sex-blogging community, and we will always have your back. Much love 🌹😘💜

  • Kayla Lords

    I am so sorry you dealt with that level of awfulness. I hope that with time and the validation of those of us who adore your writing and you, you’ll feel like sharing in other ways again too.

    Also, you’re freaking amazing (says both the fellow blogger AND your some-time editor). I hope you continue to write and create for a VERY long time. XOXO

    • Violet

      Thank you, Kayla. That means a lot. I’m bolstered by the positive feedback from so many and I won’t be going anywhere, just trying to decide for myself if they feedback influences how I move forward.

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