Illegittimi non carborundum. Don’t let the bastards grind you down. Easier said than done.
I’ve been debating whether to address the unsolicited feedback I got this past week or to just let it go. It’s the most infernal thing: acknowledging the comments only feeds their contempt and emboldens them, but ignoring it feels cowardly.
I wrote about the end of things with Loverboy and expressed my grief and sadness, which some people took as license to anonymously tell me in very unkind terms what they thought of me as a person. They didn’t stop there. There were also opinions shared about my body, my self worth, my approach to relationships, and what they felt was a lack of responsibility as a kinkster, particularly as a Domme. According to their expert diagnosis and opinions I am incapable of D/s relationships because of my tenuous mental health and I am completely deserving of whatever pain I experience because I’m a danger, a menace, a monster who is amassing “victims” in my destructive wake (despite only having had 3 D/s relationships in which I was the D).
Oh, and I’m too fat and disgusting to blog and I’m also a pathetic attention whore who no one in this community cares about. Duly noted.
My response, not that it is required, is to clarify how I plan to move forward after taking a week, more or less, away from the blog and social media and reflecting and focusing on my real self, not Violet Fawkes. That way the trolls, aka my number one fans, can sleep better at night knowing that their abject cruelty and cowardice has won. Congratulations, assholes.
I’m pausing the billing of my Patreon page
If you are a Patron of mine you will not be billed on October 1. I’m debating scrapping Patreon altogether due to their ridiculous new censorship attempts and the overwhelming lack of interest in my work. I will update soon on what I plan to do with that.
I’m no longer on FetLife or dating apps
I find dating exhausting in general, even more so when you add a kink element, so I am completely off the market and not looking to make any romantic, sexual or intimate connections, vanilla, kink or otherwise. I will re-evaluate this “dating diet” in early 2020, no sooner.
I’m going back to therapy
We all have shit to work through and I am no exception. Maybe I am all the things I’ve been told I am? I guess I’ll find out
I’m limiting self-portraiture
I plan to continue posting the Lingerie Is For Everyone weekly link up because I have had nothing but great feedback about it from participants but it is unlikely I will be participating with my own images going forward. I may add them from time to time, but by and large I will not be sharing images of my own body on this blog or participating in other memes like Sinful Sunday or Boobday very often.
I’ll be sharing much less
I’ll be sticking to fiction, product reviews and essays and no longer sharing personal diatribes and experiences. Despite this blog and social media being my own “safe” space, I am no longer willing to subject myself to criticism of my body, personal life and choices. This is no longer a safe space and I am adjusting accordingly.
To be perfectly clear, these are my choices, precipitated in part by the crushing blow of that anonymous feedback, and in part through my own reflection and consideration. I do not agree that I am a danger or a menace to the kink community – all 3 of the submissive partners I have had have loved and been loved within those relationships and have grown along with me. I have learned about myself, kink and relationships in general, with them and I am grateful, regardless of things ending. I have never claimed to be an expert and anyone who has dated me, played with me in a kink context or even talked genuinely with me about D/s knows that I approach it cautiously and am often overly concerned with the responsibilities and potential to hurt someone. Because of this lack of confidence I am stepping away from kink and BDSM relationships and experiences for now. Will I return to them as an activity or a lifestyle? I’m not sure. Time will tell.
Lastly, to the haters, to the trolls, to anyone who dislikes my content, opinions, personality, images, body, thoughts, feelings, tweets, instagram posts, blog posts, fiction, or any other means by which I share myself online: I invite you to unfollow me immediately.
To those of you who are sticking around: thank you.