It hasn’t been a very sexy week. It started out a bit hot and heavy but it’s been pretty much devoid of sexiness since then. In yesterday’s news, I did not go to my Dr.’s appointment. I was too wound up, too hysterical, too panicked. What good came of it was that I now have an early morning appointment in a couple weeks so I won’t have all day to stew on my anxiety and they re-booked me without a second thought so from that I’m deducing that all my test results were normal or totally manageable and I’m not likely dying. My mind is a strange and confusing place. I won’t attempt to explain the circuitous paths of rationalisation that it takes sometimes but for now, I’m catching up on the work I missed this week, especially yesterday (there was a hosting outage with StressFree apparently? I totally missed it!), drinking some coffee, listening to the rain and thinking about sex and sex writing.
Yesterday, mid morning, before I completely lost my shit and fell apart, I thought I’d take a stab at having an orgasm, you know, to calm my nerves. This is not my go-to strategy but I know so many people who use Mindful Masturbation and orgasms for self care, that I figured it was as good a time as any. Hmmm. I came without much difficulty thanks to some ridiculously delicious and objectifying photos of Loverboy on my phone and my trusty Hitachi, but it was a really hollow orgasm. It was as if I made my body respond but my head and heart and loins weren’t involved. It was mostly just a physiological response; my clit had enough stimulation and my mind was focused enough on sexual thoughts that it happened, but the empty space it left in me immediately afterwards was a bit alarming.
There was the rush of physical satisfaction, that spilling-over-and melting moment, but then it was all just … gone … and I was back in my intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Maybe it just doesn’t work for me? Maybe if I’m stressed or tense or preoccupied, orgasms just aren’t helpful? Am I missing something? I’m very curious how other people (especially women) use masturbation as a self-care tool because frankly, I just don’t get it. I realise it just may not be my thing, but I wonder if I’m missing a significant part of it or oversimplifying. Or, more likely, over complicating it. If you are comfortable and willing to share your tips or insights in the comments, I’d love to read them. I could really use the ammunition of potential orgasms as a mode of self care, but I guess I missed the memo on how.
I love a “write every day” prompt, so I am pushing myself again to get better at the discipline of writing or sharing content every day. You’re welcome to join in and link up your work here whether or not you post daily. It’s my personal challenge to post more and I’ll be sharing the work of those who join me on the regular. There is no specific prompt, but the hotter and more sultry the writing or pics, the better! Summer is such a sexy time and is such a lustful backdrop for smut writing.