It’s been a hard week, hard enough that I had to step away. Social media is such a double edged sword. It’s validating and fun and makes you feel connected but it’s also triggering and enraging and exhausting, or at least it can be for me. So I stepped away and I cried and I wrote and I cried until all of it was out and I let go of everything that was weighing on me. I’m still just lurking a bit, back to my full volume participation soon.
I’ve come to realize that my heart is a bit like the blank screen and flashing cursor, written on a million times but still every new keystroke feels like the beginning of a great love story. I love deeply, quickly, truly, but is it the limitless resource it seems to be? Is there really enough to go around? Each time I ask myself this, each time I feel the Monogamy Hangover haunting me, the answer is always yes. Love is always a risk because it requires such vulnerability. Maybe I’m a sucker for punishment, more of a masochist than I realized, but the vulnerability, to me, is the best part.
64. I am the blue-lidded daughter of Sunset; I am the naked brilliance of the voluptuous night-sky.
– Alister Crowley, The Book of the Law