Everything feels hard and everything hurts.
I have no motivation, no comfort, no anchor, and as always, I fail to be these things for myself. I’ve been reading extensively on CPTSD, which I know is a condition I live with and I’ve worked at it in therapy but damn, it’s worse than usual right now.
Im guarded and angry. I’m wounded and hurt. I’m so fucking lonely. I can’t seem to ask for what I need and I’m at a loss as to whom to ask or what to say.
I’m just so tired of believing people and being hurt. The only solution seems to be to just go on lockdown, wrap my heart in razor wire and pack it away in ice. I’m pulling away from everyone and everything and it’s really scary. I feel too messed up to be anything to anyone and I just want out. Silence, darkness, stillness. I just want a reprieve from how much everything hurts.
I’m just so done.