I love exploring with new partners. I certainly enjoy touch and ongoing exploration with The Evergreens* as well, but new lovers are so much fun to play and learn with. I feel no shame in saying that variety and new experiences are part of why non-monogamy has been my life and philosophy for over twenty years. When it comes to the exploration of a new partner, whether it’s casual, or more serious, a play session or purposefully bonding lovemaking, there is no exploration I enjoy more than learning the nuances, needs and desires of a submissive man.


Underneath your clothes
There’s an endless story
There’s the man I chose
There’s my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey


There’s something so incredibly sensual and intimate about undressing and exploring the body of someone who has put their emotions, faith and safety in your hands. Where is he ticklish? What sounds will he make if I touch him here? Or here? The bitten lower lip and hypnotic nodding when I ask if I may do this or that, the way his pupils dilate when I do. It’s a beautiful process. If he’s amenable to it, it’s extra fun and sexy to do that exploration when he’s tied up and feeling the heady weight of control and submission with each touch and each moment I make him wait or beg.

In turn, because I believe in the deep partnership of D/s, and although I’m in control, calling the shots, I believe he deserves my vulnerability too, so I’m quite likely to reverse our positions (not our roles, mind you) and give him free reign to explore and learn my body and responses too.  It’s fascinating to learn about someone while they are learning you.


‘Cause of you, I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you, I’m running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone, when the party’s over
We will still belong to each other


When I first embraced my kinks I felt like I was in some sort of personal sexual revolution, and I suppose I was, but my response was to do as much as I could as soon as I could. I rushed, eager and hungry to explore new things and people. Since then, I have learned to slow down, to savour that initial exploration, to allow all the ‘firsts’ to be revealed naturally, to take my time giving and receiving pleasure. A new submissive partner, the new territory of his mind and body, is too lush and sweet an opportunity to rush. Proper exploration, a thorough navigation of new territory, is worth discovering slowly.


* I promise I’ll write a post about current partners/the cast of characters soon!

** Lyrics quoted are from “Underneath Your Clothes” by Shakira

purple badge for "january jump start" a 31 day blogging challenge

6 thoughts on “Exploring New Territory”

  1. This is lovely… I love the explorations of a new partner too, though I tend to be a rush in kind of girl- I have often thought If I slowed down I might have more discoveries and interesting things happening…

    1. Thanks EL, I think, ultimately, keeping pace with each other and allowing for adjustments is the priority. Sometimes rushing in is just right and you both/all feel it. Other times you make like a rose and unfurl the experience petal by petal. xo

  2. Very balanced discussion of discovery, trust and (of course) exploration. I loved the lyrics you chose to weave in too. Thanks for sharing

I'd love to hear your thoughts ...