Pillow talk, talking dirty, erotic talk, profanity, whatever you call it, I love it. Talking dirty is (brace yourself!) quite possibly my very favourite sex act.

It’s Always Been A Thing

I was reminded recently in a conversation with an old friend I am getting reacquainted with, that as teens we used to have phone sex all the time. We eventually made out and did some heavy petting too, but the majority of our sexual exchanges were voice-only as we tentatively masturbated together into the wee hours of the morning, talking each other into frantic states of arousal. In fact, my first orgasm was with him, on the phone, listening to him tell me how much he wanted his fingers inside me and his mouth on my clit. When we revisited this history a few weeks ago he was astonished that it was my first O and pleased he’d gotten me there. For a young guy he had an incredible grasp of the female anatomy and that certainly helped. He quipped that as a gay adult man he was glad “all that research” wasn’t in vain.

Words of Affirmation

My Love Language is “Words of Affirmation”. In short, this means that I respond well to encouragement and reassurance and I deeply value the words that my partners use when we communicate. (I know, a writer who is into words, shocking. No wonder my erotica is always full of dialogue.) Dirty talk can absolutely be a boost for your partner when it’s complimentary and expresses desire. Tell me how I feel in your hands, tell me why you like what you see. Tell me something you’re almost too afraid to say. Use your words to stimulate my mind and watch my body follow.

If you’re not familiar with Love Languages, I recommend you check them out here, they can be really helpful for self awareness and relationship communication.

Sext Skills Count

Most connections these days start with a screen, be it online dating sites, Twitter, FetLife, etc. When sexting I often read the conversation aloud to myself. Yes, admittedly, my own voice reading naughty things will get me wet almost as quickly as someone else’s. Unfortunately good sexters are not always gifted with their delivery of aural pleasure. It takes confidence and positive feedback for most people (in my experience) to really let go and embrace dirty talk. But when they do almost nothing is hotter.

It Really (really, really) Works For Me

Have you ever orgasmed without touch, simply by someone talking to you and pushing you over that delicious edge? I have, more than once! It’s not common and requires a lot of build up, but the right words, spoken by a sexy voice in a sensual setting is enough sometimes and for this, I am very grateful.


Do you enjoy dirty talk? Tell us … I promise we are listening with baited breath. This week’s Erotic Journal Challenge is all about the power of naughty words. Check out what other bloggers are saying!

erotic journal challenge

Violet Fawkes

Violet Fawkes (she/her) is a freelance writer and sex blogger focusing on pleasure education, erotic fiction, and the intersection of identity, kink and mental health.