autobiographical,  January Jump Start,  on writing,  Thoughts

The Problem with Sex Writing

I started #JanuaryJumpStart to kick my own ass into gear and get back into the discipline of writing daily after the luxuriant holidays and a bit of a dry spell. Well, the egg is on my face, friends: I’m struggling. I know it’s not pass or fail and I’m certainly not judging any of the other writers who are contributing if they are not doing so daily, but I thought I’d make it at least through the first week. Not so.

The trouble for me is twofold. Firstly, if I’m not feeling very sexy, I struggle to write sexy stuff. You know how on Seinfeld, George over packs for the trip he and Jerry take because he dresses according to mood? That’s me with sex blogging, if the stars haven’t aligned and my coffee is too hot or too cold or WHATEVER, then it’s over, forget it, try again tomorrow.  Now, I know this is a garbage reason to not write. I have been a creative person all my life and I know that waiting for the perfect moment to create something or for all of the elements at play to be just so means you will literally never get anything made. I get it. But I hate it.

My second challenge is that I struggle to conjure up sexiness. If I’m not feeling it, it’s very unlikely that porn, erotica, sex or masturbation will get the juices flowing. Sex is so mental and I very much believe that our brains are our juiciest sex organs, but if the flesh is unwilling …. womp, womp. <insert sad trombone sound here> I have never been someone who can manufacture desire or cajole my body into excitement. As I wrote back in April, for a sex and erotica blogger, I don’t spend much time self-serving and a lot of that has to do with life priorities but it’s also about avoiding frustration and disappointment when I want to be turned on and I can’t make it happen.

So, the challenge continues. If, like me, you want to challenge yourself to be more prolific with your blogging, join in on #JanuaryJumpStart – there are so many awesome pieces linked up as well as to all the other community memes that help keep the creativity flowing.

Happy writing, wish me luck, more tomorrow. Promise!

 

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11 Comments

  • E.L. Byrne

    We can each only do what we can. We have to give ourselves grace to be just who we are in each moment! I’ve not blogged every day either but I’ve blogged more alresd this month because of your challenge- so I appreciate it!! ❤️❤️

    La-

  • Mrs Fever

    Does it have to be sex writing? And if so, does it have to be sexy?

    Just speaking from my own experience here, not trying to preach or advise:

    Sometimes the posts that are the most reader-interactive and/or the most fun/cathartic/cleansing to write are the posts that have nothing to do with sex.

    Anecdotes told from the POV of being inside a relationship – often humorous – are something I personally enjoy reading AND writing, because it’s like a little window-peak into a real (and often relate-able), separate world. Things like that give readers a broader perspective, I think. Because yes, sex is something we (sex bloggers) can choose to write about. But it isn’t the only thing we DO.

    I get what you’re saying about wanting everything to be “just so,” and that’s a different kind of psych hurdle. That said: There are so many things you could write about that impact sex, without having to create erotica; psych hurdles being one of them. 🙂

    I remember when you wrote about your mother’s relationship, and the mixed messages you received re: being ‘in charge’ (autocorrect just tried to change that to “in Chang’s,” which is a peculiar bit of randomness) yet being a victim of abuse. There was a lot in that piece that – if you felt up to writing it – could be unpacked, and that people would likely relate to. (Or just go with the randomness, a la autocorrect. Why make sense when it’s not strictly necessary? 😉 )

    Anywhoo…

    You’re a creative person; I’m sure you’re not lacking for ideas. My point (yes, I have one! 😛 ) is: Sometimes we box ourselves in as “Dr writers” I think, and that can be stifling. So if you have ideas for writing that are not necessarily sex/y, I hope you will consider writing those things instead/in-addition-to the erotic bits. Because those things are important too.

  • MPB

    I completely agree with Mrs Fever. I have been through the same angst as you. But since I gave myself permission to blog about anything I want, my creativity has returned. With it too a desire to write about sex. Don’t push, don’t rush it, just write. Plus I have been writing and I should join……

  • Mischa Eliot

    Have you tried romancing yourself? Ever read those articles about how to bring back the spark in a marriage? Guess what? You can do them for yourself, too. Do something nice for you just because. Schedule it if you have to, doesn’t have to cost anything either.😘😘😘😘

  • https://kaylalords.com

    I will NOT lecture another writer on what you do or don’t write or your process for writing. It’s too personal, and you didn’t ask for advice.

    That being said, as Mrs. Fever mentioned above, I don’t believe all of your writing has to be sexy. This wasn’t very sexy, and I couldn’t click on it fast enough. As much fun as the sexy stuff is to read (and sometimes write), reading about what you’re thinking or random topics that have nothing to do with sex is fascinating to me — because it gives even more insight into who you are as a person.

    And from a personal perspective, I’ve used my own decidedly non-sexy moments for blog fodder for YEARS. Nothing sexy to say? I’ll write about that! Or the weird random thought I had two days ago about that thing I saw online. Let’s write about THAT! From a reader perspective, especially as a fan, you can write anything, on any topic, and there will be SOMEONE who connects to it. Truly, I’ve made more connections with readers on my not-sexy stuff than on the bow-chicka-wow-wow posts.

    Sexy writing brings some people over, but it’s the connection we find with a writer that keeps readers coming back. And since you’re an entire person (certainly much more than the sum of your — sexy or otherwise — parts), seeing other sides of you and not just the erotic parts only makes you more complete to your audience.

    Take that for what it’s worth. Just know that there are some of us out here who would be happy to read the non-sexy — if that helps at all. 🙂

  • Cara Thereon

    Forgive me for how behind I am on comment. 🙈🙈. But I have nothing to add other than I like reading your non-sexy stuff as much as I do your sexy stuff. Your recent post about your feelings toward medical and your childhood really was so good. I appreciated your honest on both posts and look forward to reading more things like that from you

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