autobiographical,  femmedom,  Masturbation Monday,  Thoughts

Dommes Like to Go Down Too

It’s so interesting to me, how within the D/s world there are some almost inescapable tropes that you’d think wouldn’t be a part of the community, that they’d be more of a misrepresentation or disillusionment of the vanilla world. The one that makes me roll my eyes the most is oral sex.It is regularly and plainly expressed that giving oral sex is a submissive act. We see images and read literature all the time about subby babygirls on their knees for their Daddies and pliant, reverent male submissives eating pussy for forever as if that’s all every Domme wants. Male Doms can give oral to their subs without it bursting anyone’s bubble for the most part, but there’s a strange lack of representation when it comes to Dominant women going downtown, especially if their sub is a dude.

Ummm … but what if we like it?

Hint: often we do.

Obviously, you should do what feels right between you and your partner(s) and not worry about said tropes and inaccuracies. However, sometimes we come to believe things just by osmosis, without considering how we really feel. It’s not until you stop and think about it that you may realize how little sense those cultural and community standards actually make to you.

As a dominant woman, I’m a huge fan of fellatio. I always have been, long before I came to terms with my dominant needs and experienced the F/m dynamic. I like tease and denial, and tell me what is a more effective than popping a cock in and out of your mouth and making him more and more squirmy just because you can? Likewise I enjoy that it is often unexpected due to the pervasive belief that it’s a subby thing to do. I still smile remembering one experience where it was clear he didn’t know what to do with his hands. When we talked about it afterwards he shared that he had felt putting his hands on my head or in my hair would have been topping from the bottom, would have been too directive and too, well, dominant. Incidentally, for me, in that situation it wouldn’t have been and when he asked what to do next time I told him just to ask, or tell me what he wanted so I could make the call.  Once we’d cracked that egg open we started to realize there were all sorts of presumed submissive or presumed dominant actions that became infinitely more interesting, sexy and fun, when we stopped to think about them and have a conversation about how we wanted to approach them.

Every person and every dynamic is different. Sex and love and D/s are meant to be fun and enriching, not limiting. Take the time to unpack the standards and see if they make sense for you. There’s no wrong way to do all of this and with some critical thinking, communication and curiosity you can find what fits and leave the rest. Don’t let the labels hold you back.

Go see what other bloggers have contributed this week! You won’t be disappointed!

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